A Deo et Rege

Tom Hunt tells of his conversion to the Catholic Church. I always enjoy conversion stories because they give insight into the diverse reasons why people choose Catholicism. I especially liked Tom’s story because it’s very similar to mine: evangelical background, seeking in an academic context, discovery of the Church Fathers, admiration for JPII, defending Catholicism, and more.

Honestly, it made me a bit sentimental.

Thanks to everyone who prayed for me regarding the GRE.  I don’t like to post my successes or failures really, but since I talked so much about this, I’ll give everyone an idea of how I did.

Verbal- low 700s
Quantatative- mid 500s
Writing- Not scored yet

Honestly, I am pleased with my results and although my math score is low by many standards, for me, given my dislike of and frustration with mathematics, it is a rousing success!  Once again, thanks to all those who prayed.  Thanks also to St. Thomas Aquinas and especially to God, by whose grace we receive all gifts.

If anyone is interested in how I, a former evangelical and then Anglican, made the journey to the Catholic Church, please visit my newest composition: My Journey to the Catholic Church. I wrote this for my website. It is rather long and detailed, so be warned. Still, I hope it can be inspiring, educational, and encouraging, especially to those currently in Protestant churches who are longing for more.

The one emotion that I felt most after becoming Catholic: joy. I also felt that I was spiritually coming home. My first confession/reception/confirmation/communion was amazing in so many ways. All I felt like doing was smiling! The graces of God are manifold! My first Holy Communion was especially wonderful. I was almost in a daze and was trembling slightly. I was meeting my lord! Throughout the whole day, I knew that I was submitting to something (and someone) much larger than myself. In an age when more and more people feel isolated, this is very important and quite refreshing. Of course, it also means submission to holiness and following Christ’s commandments, things I know from Protestantism. However, unlike with Protestantism, the Church is there to keep me on the straight and narrow! A wonderful and also sobering thought!

Now that the initial excitement has died down, I am focusing more on the realities of being a Catholic. I love the day to day elements of the faith: the Hours, the devotions, the intimate connection with our Lord. However, being a Catholic is not always easy (thank God for that)! Sin seems to always be crouching at my door. I fear, especially at first, I’ll be at confession more than I originally had planned. But, that’s ok, after all that’s what it’s there for: forgiveness and growth into holiness. I feel now that I’m on the path to serving God where he wants me to be. It’s not always going to be a bed of roses and will be full of struggle (after all Jesus didn’t have it easy), but I know in my heart it’s the path God is calling me to go down.

Well, it’s official. I’m a member of the Catholic Church. Everything today was simply amazing! The experience of God’s many graces is totally overwhelming. I’ll write more tomorrow when I am more able to assess it.

Today is the big day. At 1:00pm I’ll be doing first confession, reception, and now confirmation (the latter was a surprise). I’m going to take the name Justin after St. Justin Martyr. I’ve chosen him for several reasons. First, he’s a figure who bridges East and West since he was born in the East and died in Rome. I want to help bridge that current gap as a Catholic. Second, he’s a lay figure who taught and defended the Faith. Third, he was a philosopher who wore their academic garb. I want, as a layman, to teach and defend the Faith at the university level. Fourth, Justin was the first Church Father I ever read all the way through. And finally, he died for his faith courageously and without hesitation, the ultimate sacrifice that all who seek to follow Christ may be asked to make.

It all starts at 1:00pm and I’m both scared and excited. It’s a big step in my life, but one I have to make. I want to thank all those who have been supportive of me through this: my girlfriend, my many online friends (especially David and Chuck), my Anglican friends who have been incredibly supportive (esp. my former Rector and other priests who are fighting the good fight), and my family (who reacted far better than I could ever hope). For the readers of this blog, please keep me in your prayers. This is, I believe, the big step of a journey that began in 1998. It’s incredible.

Icon is of St. Justin Martyr from St. Hilaron Monastery

Last night I finally got the courage to tell my dad about my decision to become a Catholic. I had told my mom and my grandma a week earlier. They are all evangelical, but also pretty open. Still, it was a difficult (but necessary) thing to do. All of them seemed pretty shocked. Looking back I should’ve been more open about where my journey was taking me. I assumed that they understood that as an Anglican I was close to Catholicism anyway. I guess they weren’t aware of how close I actually was. They definitely weren’t aware of how Catholic my theological and social thought had become in the last 6 months. Their response was generally quite supportive, but with some reservations (which from their vantage point I wholly understand). But, taking the honest, direct approach allowed me to clear the air on the whole religion issue, which I think will allow us to be more honest about it in the future. I love and trust my family and looking back alot of my fear was unwarranted. Considering nearly every one of my Christian friends growing up no longer attends any church, I think they’re happy I’m somewhere doing my best to discern God’s will.

Can anyone be surprised that praying the ancient Liturgy of the Hours would express perfectly my current longings and journey? Prayer hallowed by tradition tends to do that! Today during Morning Prayer, I was struck by how sections of Psalm 84 prefectly expressed my feelings about coming to the Catholic Church. I’ve had a long, blessed, and sometimes very difficult spiritual journey since I started reading the Church Fathers in 1999. I know that the Catholic Church will not always be the perfect house, but I believe in my heart and soul it is the perfect home.

My soul is longing and yearning,
is yearning for the courts of the Lord.
My heart and soul ring out their joy
to God, the living God.

They are happy who dwell in your house,
forever singing your praise.
They are happy whose strength is in you,
in whose hearts are the roads to Zion.

As they go through the Bitter Valley
they make it a place of springs,
the autumn rain covers it with blessings.
They walk with ever growing strength,
they will see the God of gods in Zion.

One day in your courts
is better than a thousand elsewhere.
The threshold of the house of God,
I prefer to the dwellings of the wicked.

Eliott Bougis wrote a blog about the fear he had about telling his evangelical friends he was interested in Catholicism/Orthodoxy. I too feel his pain. Even when I was an Anglican (Anglo-Catholic) I used to joke that some kids would sneak out of their parents house to drink or do drugs: I sneaked out to go to confession. Given my upbringing and geography (southern Ohio), joining the Catholic Church is a revolutionary, rebellious move. Parents here somewhat expect their kids to sow their wild oats with sex, drugs, and strong drink, but joining the Catholic Church (sowing holy oats?) is often beyond the pale.

My region is culturally evangelical Protestant. We have “dry” counties and townships, our summers are filled with “revivals,” and individualism runs rampant, especially in religion. People don’t submit to anyone or anything else on religious matters. This is probably why we have tons of Methodists, Wesleyans, Nazarenes, and Christ in Christian Union churches. All trace their roots to John Wesley, but they just couldn’t quite get along. The solution to most religious quarrels is just to start another church.

I’ve been striving towards the Catholic faith for about 4.5 years and I’m going to be received into the Catholic Church in exactly a week and a day. I grew up Methodist and converted to Anglicanism in 2000. Although people around me saw the Anglican Church as too liberal (they were right) and too catholic (they were wrong), the fact that Anglicanism was Protestant probably helped alleviate their fears. Although I loved liturgy, Catholic devotions, and Church history, at least I was still a Protestant. In a week that won’t be the case. I’ve always loved and believed the Catholic faith, now I’m formally submitting to it, a radical concept in an individualistic culture.

I, like Eliott, feel the anxiety and get the increased heart rate whenever it comes time to bring up my decision to become a Catholic. I still haven’t told both of my parents and I ask for the prayers of those who read this blog. I take seriously the command to honor my father and my mother, so I want to tell them in the most direct and loving way possible. I have so much joy at finally “coming home” to the Catholic Church and I want to be able to finally share that joy with all of my evangelical friends and family. I always thought of myself along the lines of St. Justin Martyr, a seeker who finally came to the fullness of the truth. It’s hard to believe I could be thought of as a Catholic James Dean. Me, a Catholic rebel? Perhaps.

I remember when I first read the Church Fathers, the excitement I felt.  They opened up a whole new world to me, a whole new way of understanding my faith.  Prior to this I had been experiencing a profound spiritual dryness and an overall lack of direction.  I was being taught a do-it-yourself form of Christianity that left me feeling alone.  The Church fathers and my study of Church history showed me, above all, that Christianity was not only about “me and God,” but was about “us and God,” the Church.  The Church was more than a local community, but all of the saints past and present, including those I was then reading.  This laid the foundation for my current journey to Catholicism.

I converted to Anglicanism in 2000 and found this to be a good home on the journey.  I met many people to whom I will be forever grateful and indebted.  I see going to Rome however in a sense as going home, as Rome really is the spiritual ancestor of all the Western Protestant Churches.  I have loved and cherished the traditions of the Church for a long time now.  I finally want to formally submit to them, which I see also as a submission to Jesus who founded the Church.  After much prayer and study, I’m happy to announce that I am going to be received into the Catholic Church on the Eve of the Assumption (August 14th).

The Memorial of St. Justin Martyr

St. Justin’s feast day in the Church is a very special one for me, primarily because he had such an impact in my life. As a strongly Protestant evangelical, I had always assumed that we did everything the “biblical way.” I also assumed that the doctrines we learned were ancient ones that everyone had always believed. When I decided to read the Church Fathers my world would turn upside down. The first Father I ever read was St. Justin.

Justin amazed me because his style of writing, his vocabulary and his manner of debate seemed so foreign. Yet, he also seemed to me to be sincere and thoughtful. Plus, since he was writing so close to the time of Christ, I figured he represented the ancient doctrines. On the issue of worship and the Sacraments, Justin’s writings stood in judgment of my prejudices. I had always believed that baptism was an empty symbol, something to be done because the Bible advised it. Yet Justin referred to it as regenerating us. Worship for me had been something akin to a party: free, contemporary, and a plain good time. Justin’s description of early Christian worship was one of Scripture reading, liturgy, dignity, meaning, and weekly Eucharist. I remember asking myself, “why don’t we do things like this?”

On the topic of the Eucharist, I had never been taught much. However, I “knew” that it couldn’t have been anything important, just a symbolic meal. Yet, Justin referred to the Eucharist in terms of change, that the bread and wine are the Body and Blood of Christ. This blew me away! I did not realize the full implications of Justin’s writings (or that all the Church Fathers affirm in some way or another his basic insights on worship and the sacraments) until later, but the seed was planted. I remember asking myself what authority Justin had. After all, I too was able to interpret the Scriptures for myself. Other than antiquity (which I did value), he had his “fruit.” He had given his life for his Lord. That was a very strong argument for his authority in my mind.

Because God led me to pick up St. Justin 5 years ago, I am an Anglican today, probably soon to be Roman Catholic. I have entered into the mystery of the worship of the Church and her Sacraments. Thank you St. Justin, for your sacrifice and your writings.

St. Jerome once said “ignorance of the Scriptures is ignorance of Christ.” The conventional wisdom among many evangelicals I know is that Roman Catholics don’t believe the Bible or that they hold the Bible in low repute. However, hearing a reading from the Roman catechism on the Scriptures planted a seed in my heart to explore Catholicism. My love and high view of Scripture may have started my journey to Rome. What an ironic twist on conventional wisdom! I want to share some of those readings from the catechism now. Even if you have no inclination to become Roman Catholic, I still think these passages will bless you.

On meeting God in the Scriptures:

In Sacred Scripture, the Church constantly finds her nourishment and her strength, for she welcomes it not as a human word, “but as what it really is, the word of God”. “In the sacred books, the Father who is in heaven comes lovingly to meet his children, and talks with them.”

On the inspiration of the Bible:

The inspired books teach the truth. “Since therefore all that the inspired authors or sacred writers affirm should be regarded as affirmed by the Holy Spirit, we must acknowledge that the books of Scripture firmly, faithfully, and without error teach that truth which God, for the sake of our salvation, wished to see confided to the Sacred Scriptures.”

On the Word of God:

Still, the Christian faith is not a “religion of the book”. Christianity is the religion of the “Word” of God, “not a written and mute word, but incarnate and living”. If the Scriptures are not to remain a dead letter, Christ, the eternal Word of the living God, must, through the Holy Spirit, “open [our] minds to understand the Scriptures.”

On the role of Scriptures in the Church:

“And such is the force and power of the Word of God that it can serve the Church as her support and vigour, and the children of the Church as strength for their faith, food for the soul, and a pure and lasting fount of spiritual life.” Hence “access to Sacred Scripture ought to be open wide to the Christian faithful.”

That last part is particularly telling. There is no Roman Catholic plot to keep the Scriptures out of the hands of the laity. In fact, I can’t think of any document I’ve ever read, Protestant or otherwise, that spells out the role of the Bible in our lives more cogently or sublimely. As a good friend put it, the catechism is a “masterpiece.”

I’ve been reading Surprised by Truth: 11 Converts Give the Biblical and Historical Reasons for Becoming Catholic compiled by Patrick Madrid. These are the stories I’m interested in, human experiences. Apologetics are important, but I’ve been so immersed in them, I know every argument. Besides, how many of us really make decisions with only cold logic? C.S. Lewis knew all the arguments, but he was converted by joy. John Wesley was a learned priest, but it was his heart that was strangely warmed at Aldersgate.

Already the book is paying off. The first story is about a Protestant who converted based on church history and also about the steadfastness of the Roman Catholic witness in secular society. One thing in his work really spoke to me personally. When a friend with a terminal illness asked the author what the author would do if he were dying, the author responded he’d join the Catholic Church. I’ve had that same conversation with myself and gave the same answer. I think that situation tends to bring out our true priorities. When I think of marriage and raising kids, I also would like to be in a Church that stands for Truth and not merely blowing each and every way the secular winds dictate. Maybe we could call them “push” questions, because they push the situational envelope a little bit. As a 26 year old, healthy single male, I’m content to remain mainline Protestant. Yet, if my time is nearly up or I’m making decisions that imperil the souls of others, I don’t want to take any chances. The journey continues…

I remember hearing an Episcopal priest friend of mine compare the Episcopal catechism’s definition of the role of Scripture with the Roman Catholic catechism. The Episcopal one was an exercise in minimalism, hedging and accomodation; the Roman catechism was filled with depth, beauty, and quite frankly, to a hungry soul, sustenance. As the crisis in the Episcopal Church and the Anglican communion grows daily, I’ve begun to examine where I belong in the vast expanse of denominationalism. I believe in an ancient-future vision of the Church. Now it’s just a matter of where God is calling me to use that vision.

I’m not committed to leaving Anglicanism or becoming Roman Catholic (or anything else), but am going to spend the next several months in prayer, deep thought, and study, to determine exactly where God is calling me. I want to chronicle this journey online, on this blog. It’s not going to be spiritual voyeurism, but will be an honest look at my questions, struggles, and discoveries.

There will still be my comments on the church year, my usual sarcasm and cynicism towards the mainlines, and my general grandstanding. But for the next few months most of the posts will relate to this journey, my wandering. As Tolkien noted: “all who wander are not lost.” Indeed, I view this as a huge step in being found.

As a catholic, liturgical, and sacramental Christian with a love for (and Master’s degree in) Church history, I consider Roman Catholicism, Greek Orthodoxy, Lutheranism, or a continued place in Anglicanism to be my chief “options.” Yet, I’m not going to prejudice the work of the Spirit. He will lead me, I believe, where he wants me to be.

I’m going to start by reading the whole Roman Catholic catechism, a big goal to be sure. But, if I go to Rome, I want to be sure I know what it means to be Roman. To that end I’m going to visit Roman Catholic churches over the summer. I’m also going to read about the stories of others who have made the journey to Rome or elsewhere. I’m not really interested in apologetics; I have heard every argument for being Roman Catholic, Baptist, etc. that is out there. I’m interested in stories, stories of changed hearts, changed lives, and changed souls. To that end, I’ve added a comments section. If you wish to share about any topic I’ve brought up, please feel welcome.

I have also changed the blog template to a lighthouse. That symbolically reflects the path this blog (and myself!) will be taking in the next few months. Thanks to all who read this blog and for those following this journey, I ask, above all for your prayers.