I don’t usually blog on overly personal matters, but I feel I need to. I have gotten no money offers from the grad schools I applied to. None, not a dime. And I’m not a second career person with a nest egg. I’m 26, soon to be married and working as a substitute teacher. I can’t afford more loans or tuition and room and board. I’m honestly at a loss. I don’t know what the schools were looking for, but it wasn’t what I had to offer. Monday I was excited about my future, today I feel like I’m a different person with a vastly uncertain future.

I had thought God wanted me to teach, that he wanted me to articulate the Faith to others. Maybe I was wrong. I don’t know if I even want to stay in theology. Right now I’m mulling my options. I’ll be honest, I’m angry and upset. I did my best and what is objectively, based on the GRE, GPA, etc., top level work, and yet it isn’t enough. I’m average at alot of things, but academics and writing were areas where I stood out, where I was talented. What does a person do when what he’s really good at just isn’t good enough? That’s the question I’m trying to answer now.